Firsts and Lasts and Milestones

Many things can be said about time.

Time flies when you’re having fun.

 Time heals all wounds.

 Time is an illusion.

 You can’t stop time.

Ugh…and there it is. You can’t stop time.

I have this picture in my head.  It’s kind of like a daydream.  Or maybe it’s metaphorical for something I’m trying to process in my head. I’m holding this giant alarm clock. It’s the old-fashioned kind. It’s black metal, with a glass casing around the bold, Roman numeral face.  It has two giant bells on the top, with a handle in the middle.  Did I mention it’s huge? I’m holding it oh so tightly. Nothing could wrestle it from my grip.  And don’t you dare try.  I’m just not willing to let it go quite yet.

Here’s the thing. I know full well what this little vision is all about.  My two precious babies, who happen to share a birthday of March 11, will be turning 17 and 15 in one week.  For the love, how did this happen?

I want time to stop. I want to hold this giant clock in my grip as long as I can, and will the alarm not to sound, or at least hit snooze several times.

It’s hard for me to understand why these particular birthdays are so difficult for me.  Why not 6 and 8? Or 11 and 13? Why are 15 and 17 causing me so much grief?

I’ve wrestled with this question for a few days now. My oldest is experiencing all the firsts right now. The first one in our tribe to get her driver’s license. The first one to take the SAT’s and ACT’s. The first one to attend a college fair.  The first one to go on an alone date with a boy. The first one to look for a summer job. The first one who will all-too-soon leave home.  And then there’s the younger one. She will share the exact same milestones as her sister.  But with her it will be the last time I get to experience the firsts.  Does that make sense?

Let’s say I could stop time though.  Let’s say I could control the order of things. Can you imagine the disaster?  Think about that for a minute. We have all uttered those words about slowing time down, or stopping time all together, but what about the consequences?  I would be stifling the growth of my children.  I would be sabotaging their experiences to feed my own pride.  I would be messing with what God has intended for them.  I would truly be causing more harm than good.  And all for selfish gain.

Yep, selfish gain.  That’s the heart of the matter right there. A mother’s heart is a tricky thing–and sometimes selfish. I can only speak for myself, but I’ve written a sort of story for each of my girls.  I have an idea of how I would like things to go for them.  The details are fuzzy, but they include a good education, a good job, a mate, a healthy marriage and children.  That’s not asking too much, right?

Well, sadly it is.  It’s me setting an agenda for God, and asking Him to bless it.  It’s me wanting only good things for them, and in the time I want them.  No suffering. No heartache. No mistakes. No waiting.

But what if there was something better for them on the other side of suffering? On the other side of heartache, mistakes, and waiting?  What if.

It’s not a difficult answer at all. There is something so much better on the other side of those things.  How do I know this?  Because scripture after scripture, and Bible story after Bible story, tells me so.  They’re not riding the coattails of my faith in Jesus.   They are learning and growing and owning their own faith. And with that will come challenging times. That’s a promise.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Let perseverance finish it work so that Madeline and Isabelle may be mature and complete.

It’s with fear and trembling I type that sentence out. Oh to be able to protect them so they wouldn’t have to persevere through anything.  To order their lives so they wouldn’t experience difficulties.  To bottle up this precious stage of life for just a little longer.

There’s a country song that I have come to love.  (I know I lost about half you at country song, but just bear with me.) It’s called Five More Minutes.  Take a listen, but grab some tissues.  The song talks about milestones in a person’s life, and the chorus says,

“Time rolls by. The clock don’t stop……Wish I had me a pause button. Moments like those, Lord knows I’d hit it.  Yeah, sometimes this old life will leave you wishing that you had five more minutes”

That song writer is not lying. There are many situations I wish I could have five more minutes to experience.  But at what cost?

I think it’s time to give that giant alarm clock to Whom it belongs, and trust that the Creator of time knows what He’s doing.

**From LyricFind: Five More Minutes. Songwriters: MONTY CRISWELL, SCOTTY MCCREERY, FRANK ROGERS