One Dark Night

Repost from one year ago today:

July 19, 2012.  It started like any other summer day, except I had to wake up early to get our dog, Chester, to the vet for grooming and a comprehensive exam.  From the time I stepped out of bed, I couldn’t shake the feeling that God was calling me to pray.  I felt anxious, like something bad was about to happen.

As I drove Chester, and listened to my favorite morning radio hosts, the anxious feeling left.  I actually felt thankful.  The sky was a breathtaking blue.  There wasn’t a cloud in sight.  The mountains to the west looked glorious, and I couldn’t help but thank God for His beautiful creation of Colorado.  I even asked out loud.  Why do I have this bad feeling?  What are you asking me to pray for?  Is it Chester? I don’t understand.

I prayed for Chester.  I love that dog.  For a quick second I wondered if he was facing danger—especially being out of my sight for the next several hours. But once he was checked in at the vet, and I was driving back home, I felt it wasn’t him I was to be praying for.

Then I asked God again, or actually pleaded with him.  Please don’t let this be about the girls, or Matt, or my family, or extended family.  I can’t handle that.  But I felt His assurance—Yes, I could handle it.

I prayed for my dad as I remembered he had a surgical procedure done on his eye the day before.  But after talking to my mom and finding out that he was doing well, I knew it wasn’t that.

The day went on.  Everyone near and dear to me seemed to be fine.  But still, the feeling loomed and it wouldn’t leave.

As I climbed into bed that night I felt God ask me to continue praying.  This was bigger than me, than my family.  A national disaster Lord?  Terrorism?  What?  I just don’t get it.

I fell asleep quickly, but at 12:08 a.m. I woke and glanced briefly at the clock.  The feeling was still there.  And as I drifted off again, I prayed once more.  This time for our country.

I remember my phone lighting up the room around 2 a.m. with its blue hue. I can’t see a darned thing without my contacts, but as I squinted at the phone on my nightstand I could see the news alert logo.  Good grief, why are they texting people at this hour? 

I fell back to sleep.

At 7 my alarm clock went off.  I checked my phone and found several news alerts waiting for me.  I quickly scrolled through them.  Words flashed: Aurora. Police. Shooting. Twelve Dead. Shooter in Custody.

This can’t be for here. Isn’t there an Aurora, NY?  Yes, that must be it.

I climbed out of bed stepping over my two sweet girls who had spent the night with me while Matt was out of town.  I reached the TV and fumbled with the remote.

Shock, panic, gapping mouth, I watched the coverage of the Movie Theater Massacre.  Twenty minutes down the road.  Oh my!  It can’t be!

Lord, was this it?  This is what you wanted me to pray about?  Could it have been worse?  How?  I don’t understand.

One Dark ‘Night’, indeed.

Writing is therapy for me.  I needed to share words—these words.  I needed to somehow process what happened, and how God was speaking to me the last 24 hours.

Keep on praying.  Apparently that’s my assignment.  It’s all of our assignment.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Ephesians 6:18

This story is not over.  There is much more to hear; to think; to feel.  But for now, we must pray.  The strength to get through this tragedy lies in prayer.